This is a piece of my work that I really want someone to read and give me feedback on.
This is the first chapter to a book I am working on…
Each breath I took seared down my throat with renewed agony as I run for my life from that… thing…what was that thing? My thoughts were abruptly ended when I was rammed down to the ground faster than I thought possible…it must have been that thing…how did it find me? I ran through the maze of buildings with renewed vigor when I thought I heard the sound of another’s ragged breathing. Oh, no I thought in utter and pure panic. Then I told myself to shut up…that’s what that thing feeds on… your fear. I ran until my legs would take me no farther and my lungs screamed for a chance to breathe. When I turned to see where the thing was, a wail was torn from my lips to pierce the air like a swiftly thrown dagger. There it was… standing a mere five feet away from me. It laughed…a sound that made a raven’s maddening cackle seem nothing more than an ordinary laugh. Its contorted features reminded me of a shark, a beetle, and a raven’s face that were all thrown into a massive grinding-stone. Some sort of robe covered the rest of the ghastly, hunchback creature. It’s large, orb-like eyes held my gaze… it laughed again thinking that it already had its victory tucked away.
“What do you want?” I asked putting on my best sneer that failed when my voice cracked.
“How dare you talk to your superior like that? No matter, we’ll fix that soon enough. Master will be proud of such a catch… and look not even a scratch on you! I will be so goodly thought of that even fellows will quake at my power! Ha Ha Ha. What a good day it has been.”
“You will not lay a hand…no, not even a finger on me. If you dare try, I will rip off each arm and leg and make you eat them grime and all!” I said in such an acidic tone that the creature’s face changed, in to what looked like pure hatred.
“Again, no respect. Perhaps… master said that a little frightening wouldn’t hurt.” Then he continued in an inaudible mummer “Yess… a little fear would actually make her easier to handle said Master. Ok, a little fear it is…” He turned back to me only to see nothing. Where in the world could she have gone… this was a dead end! He thought.
I heard the thing scream in frustration finding me not there. And so the running began again, this time with new terror.